brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
