i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
