it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
