I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
