I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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