btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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