god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
