i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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