Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
