I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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