I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
