I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
