you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
