you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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