last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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