I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
