So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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