oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
