1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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