a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
