Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
