I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
