we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
