I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
