call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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