Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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