her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
