there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
