what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize