Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
