I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
