Why are handjobs necessary in class?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
