what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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