i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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