butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
