then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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