1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
be right there i have to get my cape
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
