VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
