i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
