This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
