Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
