at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
