A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
