Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize