Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
should my penis look like a turkey
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
