I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
