he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
