The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
