I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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