Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So much Jack, so little girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
