i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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