I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
