standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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