He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
