I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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