new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize