Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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