I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
