Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
