And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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