9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
