im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
