What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
