I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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