Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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