The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My ass is underappreciated
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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