i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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